Fatherhood – ep4 – the ride so far

It is with great pride that I share with you, dear reader,  that my daughter is now 16 – her birthday was a couple of days ago, and in these circumstances, I find myself reflecting on all that has gone on from day 1.

Parenthood, for me did not come & is not easy or natural, it takes a lot of effort on my behalf to remain the calm, whist life is swirling around you. I have attempted to provide a base or anchor point for her life – and I believe that being parent is as much about learning when to take a step backwards & let you son or daughter free to figure things out for themselves, as it is helping them find their own identity & hopefully find a rewarding (for them) place in this world.

A couple of weeks ago, I suggested to Madi that she is doing OK. In response she started telling me everything that was wrong with her life – some serious, some not so. This is the real issue I find with parenting – being supportive whilst being somewhat realistic – my daughter has a real good BS meter.

There is a scene out of the film “Parenthood” where the “Grandma” charter gives Steve Martin’s character a bit of advice – full quote here on IMDB 

“You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.”

It been an exhilarating ride so far, I look forward to the next few years as well.

Thanks for reading.

Fatherhood – ep3 – the other perspective

I rang my father the other day – and for those of you outside Australia there is a federal election on at this time – he asked me “What do you think about  . . . .”, I naturally assumed that when he was asking the question, and considering that I work in the IT industry , he was after my opinion.

No so it seems – barely 3 words into the sentence he was overtaking me telling me his point of view, and despite some factual errors on his behalf, which he declined to concede, he continued on his way to explain the fallacy of my thinking. Which I hasten to mention he never actually heard so how would he know ?

After taking some time to compose myself I thought through this a bit and it made me realise & re-double my efforts to give my daughter as balanced a perspective, but more importantly listen.

Listening is the best thing I think that any parent can do – listen to what they have to say, and be measured in your response. That’s not the easiest thing in the world to do . . .

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Fatherhood – ep 2 – decisions

I previously (a long while ago) blogged on decision making. This was part of the my process, I suppose, of organising my thoughts around the next phase of fatherhood – that of assisting my daughter in understanding how to make good quality decisions.

This is one of the skills I believe that everyone should have – and they should be developed as early as possible, though that may be problematic for some as the part of the brain that is best used to figure out consequences isn’t developed till around 20-25 years of age.

The issues that I am trying to wrap my head around is how to communicate my experience in a way that does not sound preachy nor critical. It is now a process of finding both positive & negative examples, that we can discuss, & walk through the alternatives. On the other hand part of the way in which we learn is by example (practice ?) – and in this situation that becomes “take the action and discover the consequences”, then use that experience to influence what you decide the next time.

Easier to write down in this blog, dear reader, than it is when you are dealing with your daughter.

As life would have it I have been asked a couple of times over the past few months to help a colleague or 2 work through decisions they have to make – and I find it both helpful to my parenting and somewhat useful practice to follow essentially the same path I take my daughter through.

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Fatherhood – ep.1 – the joy of fun

One of the joys of my life is my daughter and I find my outlook on life can, at times, follow the rollercoaster of the emotions of my 15 y.o. daughter.

Recently we have decided to install PAY TV for the first time ever. As a consequence the girl genius gets up each morning to get ready for school she has decided that she no longer wants to watch the morning news with all the quick churn. In it’s place she has discovered “Whos Line is it Anyway?” and spends a good part of the morning having a good giggle at the impov comedy.

Nothing I have found in this world makes me as happy & relaxed as hearing my daughter’s laughter. Somehow the world seems just a bit better, the sun a bit brighter, the weight I carry a bit lighter when my daughter is happy.

Thanks for reading

The power of words

It’s been a while – maybe because my work & life have become extra busy, maybe it’s because I cannot find the inspiration, however that will end, dear reader, I promise.

This post I am writing because of, and as a tribute to my daughter, who at nearly 16 has become, in the eyes of her (biased) father a source of both wonderment & joy in how she is maturing as a person.

So to the story . . . .

Madi's latest

Madi likes to get her hair coloured, and the latest variation was done last Friday. I support her in this as I feel this is part of the exploration that we do as we all mature, however it seems that there are some folks at her school who consider this as a means by which they can tease her and put her down. Words can be very hurtful.

Madi dealt with this as she also dealt with the shaving her head for worlds greatest shave by wearing “Canteen” bandanna.

Some of the same people who teased her on Monday asked her on Tuesday why she was covering up her hair as it was “mad” (which I presume means it looks great). Words can also be confusing.

On the way to school Madi asked me “Do you think music can be empowering ?”, I asked what she means by that question to which she added, “I am listening to music on my iPod at the moment that says to me that everyone can be treated bad, and that you will get through it.”

My response, “yes I think music can be very empowering.”

Words can be good.

Madi does gets stirred up by what others say to her about herself. She has said to me that she could respond the same way in which some others treat her, however she also believes that she does want to be the one responsable for others feeling bad about themselves. The implication on her feelings is obvious.

Words can be powerful.

Thanks for reading